We purposely chose a daycare for Logan that was not one of those academy places. I’m sure they do a fine job, but it just seems far too much like school to me, far too structured. Don’t get me wrong, some structure is good, even necessary, but Logan is a toddler. He won’t be 3 until October. So we chose a home daycare provider whom we trust who happens to live on a kind of mini farm.

The house is in the country and has a nice daycare area, but the outside is very large and there are chickens running around, some other animals and tons of children’s play equipment. There are days Logan is having so much fun with his friends he doesn’t want to leave. And that’s cool. He loves it there.

I had to drop Logan off at daycare this morning. Normally Katie does this, but she had to accommodate work a bit so I did it. It was a bit after 6 when I pulled into the long driveway, the sky still a bit red from waking up. I got Logan out of his car seat and he eagerly did his little jog/run over to the door, leaving me behind.

“Hey,” I said, “Can I get a hug?”

He came back at jog/run full speed and gave me a full contact hug. I exchanged a few words with Jessie, our daycare provider, and turned to leave. I said “Bye Buddy!”

And from inside the screen door, as I turned to walk away I heard, “Bye Dad!”

Dad?

Maybe he trailed off when he was speaking. Maybe he turned away mid-word and I didn’t catch the rest, but man, it hit me right in the feels.

Dad is very much not Daddy.

I am not ready to be Dad. I am used to being Daddy and I know I’ll level up to Dad some day, but I figured Logan would at least be 4 years old, probably older.

And I know part of this is me being ridiculous. I know when I see him tonight after work he’ll call me Daddy and it will be like this morning didn’t even happen. But…it did. And someday soon I will no longer be Daddy and I’ll just be Dad.

I’m just not ready yet.

Share