Author’s Note: This was written a few days ago, but this conundrum was brought into sharp relief in an intense and painful moment just a few minutes ago. I was at work listening to a WaffleSquad podcast I did in 2015 and 30 minutes in, Sid started barking in the background. I wasn’t expecting it and it hurt. I’ve gotten used to her pics showing up in FB memories, but I hadn’t hard her bark in several months.

The idea of getting new dog has been brought up recently in our house. I am not normally for the idea of giving pets as gifts (“Hey, here is this animal that will depend on you for it’s very existence for the next 10-15 years. Happy Birthday!”), but the idea of getting a new puppy for Logan’s 1st birthday is appealing in many ways.

Side note: Logan’s first birthday is in 75 days. How in the hell did that happen?

My brain knows we shouldn’t get a dog. We want to move in a few years. We’ve been making moves towards that, paying loans and such off as early as we can, and adding in another expense (especially after getting kicked in the financial nuts when we had to spring for a new washer and dryer this past spring) just isn’t the smart thing to do. The cost of owning a dog each month between food, treats, tick and heartworm meds, planned and unplanned vet trips, and paying someone to watch our dog if we want to go on a trip… add it up and it’s not trivial amount over the course of a year. But frankly, it’s not the money. We’ve already got so much going on between our jobs, family, volunteer work, and life in general that adding a puppy seems like one more responsibility that we don’t need or have time for.

In general, I miss having a dog quite a bit. A co-worker of Katie’s has a Boxer that is going to have puppies that will be ready to come home around Logan’s birthday. She sent me a picture of the mother as a puppy and she was incredibly adorable. And I immediately wanted to say “yes, let’s get a puppy,” but I stopped myself. I had always said I wouldn’t get another dog for a long time after Sid was gone and here I was, not even a year later, wanting a little Boxer puppy. And I felt very guilty about it. Sid was my baby for 15 years. I know this feeling is illogical, I know I’m not replacing Sid, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.

Katie and I both want Logan to grow up with a dog so I’m gonna have to get over this at some point. I’m just not sure I’m ready to right now.